Misfortune never comes singly
Similar to sayings in other cultures, there is a saying in my country that the misfortune never comes singly. After I have lost my job, several other misfortunes simply followed right afterwards (problems with health, relationships, the money troubles, name what). All of sudden, I felt like luck has abandoned me, hovering guilt clouds that maybe on some subconscious level, I might have invited the bad things into my life. Simultaneously, I longed after the old times, when I had a job, stable income and amount of problems that I could actually solve. However, it is normal that the job loss naturally brings out the accompanying challenges, such as loss of regular income and daily routine, the social circle, even temporary loss of confidence.
Perhaps it is this law of attraction phenomenon, but after facing one major misfortunate event I have started anticipating for more of the same to come. By focusing on the negative, it started looking like not much positive is going on in my life. That is rarely the truth, however when a major adversity strikes, such as being fired in my case, we are kicked out of balance. To stay positive at times of uncertainty represents a challenge. However, here are some ideas what assisted me to stay sane on the crossroad, while transitioning to a new life period.
Accepting the negative emotions versus fake positivism
At times when I felt miserable while facing my doubts and struggle, I could not pretend like my life is functioning. To me what helped was not having to pretend that I am fine. That also meant being with people who allowed me to be the real me, but who also see me beyond your current limitations and problems. Those friends who remind you that everything passes, the good and the tough times alike. Likewise, the emotional freedom technique worked very good for me, because it starts with identifying the problem and admitting your negative emotions. Pretending to be ok and positive while feeling lost and down, had an opposite effect on me.
Truly, but truly do not lose perspective
This is of the utmost importance, for the simple reason that we all are here on Earth for a limited amount of time. Taking things too damn seriously is almost damn. Of course, this is hard to implement at times when you are caught up in a flight-fight state, worried about your livelihood and future. Regardless, it took me a long time to question why I take things so seriously. Mourning about lost job, money, marriage or friendship is fine for a while, but not for too long. Namely, the excessive sadness, depression and negative feelings rob us for valuing the present moment, only moment we are given to live. Nothing in the past or future deserves to undermine the value of the now. Each moment I am playing with my child, enjoying some peace of art or drinking coffee with my dearest ones, is too precious and joyful to be spoiled by the past regrets or future worry.
It is not all your fault
Some people used to tell me, that I cocreated getting fired as I was too worried about losing the job anyway. All that cocreation and law of attraction formula, has not served me well on this occasion. Perhaps, I would not be worried about losing a job, if there was nothing to worry about on the first place. I am not saying that playing a victim is positive, but on the other hand taking the blame for all that happens to us is equally bad, if not worse. Even if I attracted subconsciously bad things into my life, if I knew better I would do better. This means I am sick and tired of self-blame, guilt trips and self-examination. To an extent, it is good to self -examine when something goes wrong in life, not to repeat the same mistakes again. On the other hand, once and for all, I brought a conscious decision to love myself unconditionally no matter what. Mistakes and lessons are the only way to learn and grow.
Major setbacks are the call for the new
A very spiritual friend of mine explained to me that the major challenges are drawn into our lives as a call for change of direction and growth. This was the best consolation for me ever, because adopting it made me not blame myself or others for the troubles. Now I regularly ask myself, – How can I see this differently? What can I learn from this? What new direction God/Universe wants me to take? What I need to change to feel better and become better person? This change of perspective is a lifesaver and a road to freedom. The tough periods are best teachers and they define us after all, not the happy times.
The power of surrender and prayer
In attempt to stop the negative spiral in my life, I came across the author and speaker Tosha Silver. Unlike other spiritual teachers, Tosha disagrees with the notion that we are simply cocreating with the Universe, giving it our list of wishes. Even if we know and get what we want, we humans do not stay happy for long. We often do not even know what is good for us. For all these reasons, Tosha suggests asking the divine for guidelines, and practicing to hand over all of our worries and problems to a higher source.
Mine new approach is not to cocreate with the divine, but to surrender and listen what divine wants me to do. Learning how to surrender is a process, and I am learning from different sources, lately mostly through mediations of Tosha Silver. Some people get their through religious practice.
When we offer all worries to the divine, we need to believe that our every true need will be met, every true action will be shown. However, surrendering and praying does not mean passivity. Instead, it means taking inspired action while listening to our intuition, letting God/Universe decide what is the best for us. In this way our personal desires turn into preferences and become subordinated to God‘s plan. This means, letting go of control and *letting it be*, as the John Lennon once wrote.
Re-published from blog Cokoholic